Before some years I worked in a play named ‘Nag-mandal’ written by Girish Karnad, and directed by Dr Navneet Chauhan. There were some lines in that play which I often think of.
“When a snake is moving towards a sparrow, it first hypnotises her through eye contact. A sparrow forgets that she has wings and can easily fly away. She just keeps looking at her attacker and goes into a trance like state….enchanted with charming death. A sparrow does not die because of the snake’s power, it dies because she decides to give in.”
When I think of depression or any mental illness, I always think of these lines. People do not drown because the water of sadness is infinite, they drown because they are too numb to remember that they have to be on the surface. At such times they need a hand to wake them up in reality and say “I am here”. Just three words, which can assure them that they are seen, heard and loved. But it’s not that easy.
Life is too hectic and we all are so occupied by so many things. Work targets, household responsibilities, social obligations, and the pressure of being updated and competent. We are not available for ourselves, let alone for others. Now a days everyone is an achiever. At a very young age people buy a luxurious home and car, they have a membership of a club, they go for yoga class, children are in a good school, life is perfect and suddenly a happy individual, an achiever, commits suicide. To the utter disbelief of everyone…a beautiful life ends.
As per the report of the World Health Organisation, globally 300 million people suffer from depression. Every year 800000 people die due to suicide, and depression is one of the leading causes of suicide. I do not intend to discuss the medical or statistical aspect of this issue. My interest lies in the preventive or humanitarian aspect of the problem. Is it possible to save someone when they are fighting some unknown darkness? Can we try to reach out to those who are shattered by fighting their demons?
First let’s accept that we all have seen this darkness inside us. Its intensity may differ, its duration may differ but we all (I mean WE ALL) have experienced that helpless state. Not necessary always a big reason is involved. Any minor trauma, stress, financial issue, pregnancy or family crisis, anything can trigger it. There is no shame in accepting that people break down, even the strongest of us, smartest of us. In fact the smarter and stronger you are, more powerful your demons are.
At such moments you just feel that you are in a fog of sadness and whatever you do, it’s not possible to get through it. A void creates a thick wall and you cannot reach people. You maintain your routine, you talk to people, laugh with them….but actually you are somewhere else. You are constantly thinking of unexplainable unutterable things and trying hard to get rid of them. This constant fight between your rational self and illogical despair and pain can shatter you beyond imagination. When this struggle becomes unbearable, a person gives in.
Though the accurate data can never be given or proven, I believe that most people think of suicide at least once in their life. Most of the time it’s momentary, like a whim…but for some people it’s a consistent thought. They prefer death over that pain. Is it possible to reach out to such individuals who are silently screaming for help? Today I want to share two positive incidents and make a promise to the people I know.
Before many years one night I was too weak. I was a new mom and the work pressure was intense. Sleep deprivation, a cranky baby, 900 papers to be checked and terrible stress were killing me. For me it was more difficult because my husband and I were working in different cities. On that night around 2’o clock I felt completely empty in my lonely home. My baby was sleeping in another room and I was in my dark drawing room longing for some help. I just wanted a presence at that moment. In that state I called up a friend and said “Can you come?” It was midnight, I didn’t say anything more than one line and she was 20 km away…but she said “In 30 minutes”. She came, we made tea and went to sleep. We did not discuss anything but her presence in my place at those odd hours said “I am here”. I have never forgotten that.
Then there is a friend of mine who has an extremely busy life as she works in media. She is constantly on her toes and has no time to answer even important calls. One evening she received a message from a very introverted individual “I am not good”. She was not a friend of that person but she just sensed an urgency in those words. She kept messaging that individual for the entire evening. She said “I just felt responsible because someone was relaying on me in this big wide world”. I don’t know but she might have saved a life by doing that.
I want all my near ones and those who are reachable, to know that “I am here”. If you are passing through your weak phase, I wish to reach out. If you don’t want to share anything, I will not ask questions. If you want to talk irrationally or undesirably, I will not judge you. But I want you to know that you are loved and I am happy that you are alive.
If any of you have any such positive incidents when people tried to reach out, do share. Let’s spread some positivity in negative times. Let’s tell others “I am here”.
Renowned psychologist Dr.Prashant Bhimani says “The lesser is the gap between your expectations and reality, the happier you will be.” But at times despite knowing everything, all your intelligence fails and the unknown prevails. If that happens, only people can save people.
“If you are drowning, it’s not me who will save you. I will just remind you that you can save yourself by standing up because the water is not deep. “
Devangi Bhatt-
Thanks- Dr.Prashant Bhimani